Over the years ~

We've been together for like four years and two months plus. And I must say I don't exactly remember how it happened in the first place anyway. The only reason I can think of is, I'm lonely (that's for sure being alone in a foreign land) and I was reaching my 20s. I thought hey, why not give it a try! Loneliness sure does pay the price.

So much had and have been happening, and it just never seems to stop. Even drama has its climax but maybe two or three the most. But with you, it's like riding a never-ending roller coaster that makes me scream my heart out. Me wanting simplicity, ended up having difficulty.

I regretted, so what! It's not like there's a backdoor where I can just turn around and leave. I felt so, I thought so, I tried too, but I still come back to square one. I suffered alot, going through the torment, doing all the crying, hating myself for it, etc. I keep my hopes high, wishing it will turn out all right at the end.

I don't need a millionaire, I don't need a genius, I don't need Mr. Know It All. If I really want any of these guys, I wouldn't have stayed until now. Have you even ask me W.H.Y.? Because I believe if you put your heart in it, anything or everything can be done. Money can be earned, knowledge and experience can be gained, and things will eventually fall into pieces if you work your ass on it. Only maybe the result ain't really what you expected, but then again, learn to be satisfied, be contented, just be happy you have it!

Age must have been catching up with me, no more puppy love, no more "hot" romance, no more "fire/electricity/sparkle". I just want to settle down with someone who truly loves me. And my definition of love will be, "to never fail to put a smile on my face even when I don't want to, to laugh with me over silly things, to give me a shoulder when I cry, to hug me when I feel alone, to wipe my tears and tell me "everything's gonna be okay" even at my/our darkest hours.

I still believe in you and I still hope, I do, I really do. But life taught me that true love is only found in telly, though on rare occasion there are some of us who gets lucky. Love is all about chances, choices, and coincidence. We met by chance, we fall by coincidence, and we stay by choice. Do you feel the same?!

I kept asking myself, do I want to do this? I have four/five decades to go if I'm lucky, do I want to spend the rest of my life stuck to one wrong decision?

Well, in midst of transition phase now, let leave this question to my next post then.

Till then, take care.

- sharon -